The time to let go and walk away

When can you tell when it's already time to let go? Can you really tell that "now" is the perfect time? Can you tell yourself when are you finally ready? Here's the truth, you can never tell when is the right time to let go.

To make careless and selfish decisions is part of growing up. You let yourself fall into a pit and somehow love being trapped in its madness. You play the game and hold your cards because, at the end of it, you know how to get yourself out from the mess you began. But what happens when you loved the game too much? You even fell in love with the sight of yourself losing because emotions came kicking in and it wasn't even part of your game plan to begin with.

You denied yourself of emotions that people insisted you had from the very start. You kept feeding yourself lies just to satisfy your hallucinations that you're not really investing feelings to this game you play and still went on with it. And when it's time to call the game over, how do you let go?

Why not let go from the moment it ended? 

Because even though things came to an end, you succumb every ounce of possibility that maybe it wasn't a game. Hoping that somehow half the time you were in it with him was real because it was to you. You were playing the part wanting it to be real even though at the back of your mind it will never be. You settled for less because less is all you'll ever have compared to the real thing of being in a real relationship. 

And for every day, week, or month that you decide you'll move on, date other people, you find yourself going back to square one; wishing that it was still him. You find yourself giving parts of you to everyone you meet but can never fully give anyone the parts you gave him. You're there, waiting, every night, that maybe he will miss you and give you a random text wanting to patch things up, until you're waiting for hours that turned to days, to months, to never.

You let yourself wait for things that can never be yours. And now that you thought of all the possibilities of your happy ending and all other make-up stories that will never happen between you and your imaginary prince charming, you get exhausted of reality. And this is the time to let go and walk away.

When you see yourself acting like a fool, watching his life go on perfectly without you there, stalking every facebook post, instagram story, and reality kicks you straight in the face knowing that he moved on. So why can't you?

You have walked away many times, even ran away from every bad decision, leaving this one behind will surely ease off the burden from your shoulders and most especially your heart. Your heart that you kept locked in the arms of someone who didn't even care for you. Harsh reality is he is not to blame because he played his cards right, and you cheated yourself with lies of your own feelings.

Now, it's time to walk away because you find yourself worthy, not in his eyes nor in the eyes of others, but worthy in your own eyes. You look at the mirror and realize that you are capable to be loved without putting up someone in such a goddamn game.

It is time to let go and walk away when you find yourself capable of loving your flaws and stop finding ways for people to see reasons why you are deserving too.

Kea Ortega

1 comment:

  1. It's hard to know when it's time to go away. But, once it's "that time" and you finally let it be, you'll feel free. You'll feel that you got the freedom taken from you. Hahahahaha. That's how I feel when I realized it's time to walk away. :D