Here's a very random post I've been itching to write for weeks now but I only had the time to actually jot them down because of this 2 week long hell week (everyday quizzes and exam week huhuhuhu).
One of our subjects in school is Medicine I wherein we also have preceptorials. We are broken down to small groups of 10-12 and primarily discuss about basic introduction to clinical skills. This particular session, we talked about the normal and abnormal heart sounds. I thought it was just another day of ordinary lectures, but today was different.
#1 "If you wanna be rich, don't choose this profession because in being a doctor, people can't want it for you, you have to want it, breathe it, and work hard for it every single day."
Those words got me. It is very rare to meet preceptors or professors that talk about their passion in being a doctor. It's been a robotic life in school! Study 24/7, take the exam, and somehow your results quanitify your being. During my first years, I can't succumb the reality that med school is all about numbers and grades. They belittle you and/or respect you based on results you get every exam. Years ago, I had this burning passion in me for service, that's why I dove in head first in getting that "MD". Then I just got used to that vicious system, and slowly losing that fire in me; until today.
#2 "You have to have a turning point in your life, that could either make or break you, then you will know what you want to do for the rest of your life".
Many times I question myself why am I even putting myself through this, and eventually I find myself going back to my why's. When I fought for my mom and aunt's lives empty handed and lost the battle, I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life; save those lives who can still be saved. Even though I know it won't bring my mom back, at least at the end of the day, I can somehow spare the sorrow of a daughter from losing their mom.
#3 "You can't win everyday. There are days when you lose a patient even despite exhausting all efforts. You can be the richest person and have all the resources, but only Him can tell your time in this world. And when you get too tired, it is to Him that you would turn to."
I can't even enumerate the countless times God's grace has saved me. This battle is not getting easier, but with Him, I am safe and a lot stronger than my fears & doubts.
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